I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
