Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have post one night stand depression
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