My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
