Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
