I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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