Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
