Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
