If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize