Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
