one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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