All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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