Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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