i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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