that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
