he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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