I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
