I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
