I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
