He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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