you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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