Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
