every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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