Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
