So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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