He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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