And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
