Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
