just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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