is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
