We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My ass is underappreciated
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
