It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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