Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
