I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
