I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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