i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize