i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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