Small penises have feelings too.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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