I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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