dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
