So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
zippers are such a cool invention
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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