I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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