whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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