I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
