It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize