You really coming over, don't trick.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
