I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
