I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
