better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
