marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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