i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
