Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
