he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
