i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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