She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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