I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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