dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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