we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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