I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
