when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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