i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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