Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
