you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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